The Kitty Diaries
by kittywildes
Summary: This is my first fanfic, and the summary is really rubbish but hopefully the fic will be better! Kitty's best, and only trusted friend is her diary. She shares her deepest, darkest secrets with her diary, and only her diary. Follow Kitty on her life and her battles with her underlying insecurities, her glee club journey and her new feelings for Ryder Lynn.
1. Chapter 1

"Ryder, you're paired with Kitty." Mr Schue stated, confirming Ryder's worst fear. There was a duet 'homework' this week in Glee club, and Ryder was starting to worry as one by one; everyone was paired off with each other. There were four people left. Marley, Ryder, Unique and Kitty. He prayed for Marley, and hoped for Unique if he couldn't have Marley. Only in his worst fears would he be paired with Kitty. And of course he was.

"Come round mine. No offence, but I don't really want to see your house, or be in it. There's probably a Marley shrine in the wardrobe or something creepy like that" Kitty said as she felt Ryder walk up behind her. Ever since Ryder transferred to McKinley, he'd had a crush on Marley, even though Kitty didn't understand everyone's infatuation with her. Of course she had a nice smile, a pretty enough face, and a sweet innocence to her, but that was all. Besides, the way Kitty saw it, Marley was a poor man's version of Kitty. Kitty _could_ look sweeter than Marley – if she wasn't already such a known bitch. She had a baby face, perfect long blonde curly locks that any sane girl would envy, and not to mention she was ridiculously tiny and petite (and she believed that if she didn't look so hot in her cheerio's outfit, and wore unflattering clothes like her self declared frenemy did, then she'd look a million times cuter than Marley, not that she wanted to be cute. Why be approachable when you can be feared?). She had all the right ingredients to be sweet and innocent and cute like Marley, but she was just too popular, bitchy, mean, and sexy (it's pretty obvious there was an aura of sex around her. All guys found her attractive, and all girls found her looks intimidating), to be anything like doe eyed, brown haired angel Marley Rose.

"I don't have a shrine," Ryder's breathing quickened, as if he was getting a little nervous, "honestly, I don't!"

"Kitty thinks Ryder protests too much" she sort of shrugged at herself for speaking in third person, but it worked on her. Everything did. She was sure it would become a thing if she wanted it too. "I was only joking. You know, you're supposed to laugh it off, not act like a creepy stalker." She'd already had suspicions he was weird. He was always asking everyone who they were texting, and it was really starting to get on Kitty's last nerve.

"Oh right," Kitty noticed that Ryder's breathing returned to his normal rate, "and I wasn't protesting, I just don't want people to hear. You're some sort of an influence and I don't need people thinking I'm a stalker. I don't need that being added to already being known as the dumb guy." Kitty softened a bit, and said something a little out of character, "Everybody loves you Ryder, nobody thinks of you as the dumb guy. They think of you as the hot, tall football player, who's talented and overly nice."

Ryder furrowed his eyebrows, a little confused. He'd never heard Kitty say something nice to any, besides her reflection and Quinn Fabray.

"Thanks". He smiled that big smile that would drive any other girl crazy, and for a second, Kitty felt herself slightly smile at his smile, before realising what was happening and snapping back to herself, "I said everybody, what I meant was everybody else. I think of you as a mixture between Frankenteen and Justin Bieber, with a dorky smile and annoying facial expressions." She walked off in front of him, content that she had proven to him that she wasn't softening to him.

When Kitty got home from cheerios practice, she headed straight up to her bedroom. She was having a dilemma and she really needed to sort it out. She shut her bedroom door and grabbed her diary from under a giant panda bear that she had. Sometimes The Kitty Wilde had problems, and she knew she couldn't talk about it to anyone, she never really had friends before Glee club, and she wasn't too keen on Tina, who she has decided is a Kitty wannabe, being bitchy and nasty to everyone, Brittany who annoyed her because she was ridiculously dumb and she couldn't have a deep meaningful conversation with someone who had the brain of a two year old and Sugar, who was irrelevant in Kitty's world. So apart from them three, the only girl left was Marley, who had turned out to be a friend to Kitty, but still, even after Kitty's relentless nastiness towards Marley when they first met, and Kitty making Marley puke just because she was jealous that Jake wanted Marley and not Kitty, she found Marley's kind nature a little annoying and she couldn't bear to even think of the sympathetic looks Marley was to give to Kitty if she found out half the stuff written in Kitty's diary. So that was Marley off the list. That meant her only friend she could talk to was her diary.

She sat on her bed, crossing her legs and started writing.

_Dear Diary._

_Today was a good day. I only pictured punching Marley twice. I only pushed three girls into the lockers, and I got nothing but praise from Coach Sue. She's definitely favouring me over any of the other cheerios. Maybe it's because I'm prettier, skinnier and far more superior than any of them._

_Although something terrible happened. I actually smiled at Ryder Lynn's annoying smile. I know right. Don't judge me. He's kinda cute, right? Anyway, we've been paired together to do a duet. I was rooting for me and Jake, but he was paired with Blaine. A weird pairing I think, but anyway, that's not how the terrible thing happened, so enough about Jake._

_I told Ryder that we'd meet at mine, because his house is probably creepy and full of Marley shrines, and he got really on edge, so I think he actually does have one! He protested that he didn't, but I'm sure he has, anyway, back to the story of how I smiled at Ryder's smile. He then got all vulnerable, which is my favourite thing, seeing people squirm, and said how he didn't want me to say that because I have power and everyone loves me etc, etc, and he said how he didn't want to be the weirdo along with the dumb kid. I totally did something OOC and told him that everyone loved him. Then he said Thank you and smiled and I smiled back and it was all weird because he thought I was being nice, which I kinda was but I couldn't let him believe that, so I insulted him and walked off, and I'm a million percent sure he was checking out my ass, because, who wouldn't?! Anyway, help me Diary. I'm thinking we should name you. I'm thinking of the name Marley because you just sit there all day and do nothing and you have zero personality. Sounds pretty great. Marley it is. Wow, I sound obsessed with her. But I'm not. I swear. As if I'd be obsessed with dull as dishwater Marley Rose. Yawn._

_Back on point.. I need help. I actually checked Ryder out when I was practicing for the cheerio's and he was doing his stupid dances he does in football training. I know he checks me out all the time, duh, but this is different. This is me, checking HIM out._

_Anyway, I'm hungry and bored of you now. This is Queen Kitty signing out._

_Be back tomorrow, same time._

_K x_


	2. Chapter 2

Kitty smirked as she sat down next to Ryder. Everyone was starring at her. Of course they were. Everybody always starred at Kitty whenever she walked by them, or into a room, or even in class, and it varied as to why they did; sometimes fear, actually, mostly fear, they feared that she'd rip them to pieces with her sharp tongue and dirty looks, and most of the time she did. Others starred because she was incredibly breathtaking. Kitty assumed that's why people starred at her, but in reality it was probably more the former. This time they were starring because she decided to sit next to Ryder, which to the other New Direction members was weird, and Kitty swore that she saw Marley fake a smile. _Obviously jealous_, she thought to herself.

"Found any songs?" Ryder shook his head at Kitty's question, to which Kitty rolled her eyes at this. It was becoming a regular thing now. Her rolling her eyes at every last thing Ryder said. Kitty half expected, actually, 100 percent expected Ryder to apologize for his half hearted effort to find their song that would be the root of their breathtaking performance, so she was left a little speechless when Ryder piped up, "actually, why don't you find a song princess Kitty? Sorry I didn't rush straight home to do it, I had other things on my mind. If you haven't noticed, you haven't found a song either. So we're even."

Everyone was now starring at Kitty, again. This time, because they were awaiting her reply. She took a while to speak, which other New Direction members found slightly amusing, all of them exchanging looks with one another. Kitty saw Ryder fist pump Jake, obviously thinking he'd brought her down. She noted to herself to slap him for thinking that, and then adding a second slap for even attempting to do that. "That's Queen Kitty to you." She simply replied. "And also, I find it kind of disrespectful of you to speak more than five words to me, actually, scratch that, I'm proud of you for knowing more than five words, dumb ass." A look of sadness took over Ryder's normally content facial expression, and Kitty mentally high fived herself for winning, yet again.

Kitty felt a presence behind her. It was only a small presence, so she gathered it was Marley. She never really made much of an impact in life. She rolled her eyes as she finished putting her books in her locker, before shutting it and turning around to face Marley. "What?"

"Can you not be so rude to Ryder?" Kitty could barely hear Marley speak those words as she said it as quiet as a mouse, obviously intimidated about standing up for someone against Kitty. "Speak up Mona." Kitty retorted.

"It's Marle.."

"I know what your name is Marley." Kitty interrupted, "What's it to you if I insult Frankenteen anyway?" she started making her way to her next class, completely ignoring the fact that she was having a conversation with Marley. It was more of a rhetorical question anyway. Kitty didn't care what Marley had to say. Marley didn't take the hint though, and she followed behind her.

"He's such a nice guy Kitty, and he's always so nice to everyone, and he.."

Kitty felt it was in hers, and Marley's best interest at heart to stop her talking. She didn't want to hear Marley big up Frankenteen anymore, and it was in Marley's best interest because she was starting to sound like she loved him, and it was getting creepy. "Firstly," she stepped into her next classroom, and gestured for Marley to come in, "he was rude to me. I had to defend my honour. _No one else would_." She added the last part on so quietly that Marley couldn't hear that part. "Secondly," she stopped in her tracks when a group of four girls decided to come into the classroom. "Get out." She pointed towards the door, and immediately the four girls ran out of the classroom faster than you could say _Kitty Wilde_.

She turned back to Marley, who was looking at her watch, obviously anxious about being late. Kitty decided to finish the conversation quickly. "Don't worry. Point noted. I'll consider your offer and get back to you." She ushered Marley out of the room, who then walked off, although she walked a little too quickly, and walked straight into none other than their conversation topic, Ryder Lynn.

"Woah, slow down Marley! What's got you in such a hurry?" he then looked at the blonde girl standing at the doorway of the classroom Marley had just exited, and once more, rolled his eyes at her. "Or should I say who." He stated, rather than asking, and Marley hurried off without a word.

"Leave Marley alone." Ryder ordered, and Kitty noted to herself that he deserved another slap, already adding on to the other ones she promised herself she'd give to him. "Funny. The poor bulimic loser was just saying the same thing about you. You should totally date. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you would be if she wasn't dating other Puckerman." Kitty smirked as she spoke, and Ryder stiffened. It looked as though he was starting to get extremely annoyed with her. Kitty was glad about that. He was the only one who ever talked back to her and it was ruining her status. She smiled when he walked off, but her smile turned sour when he walked back up to her. "You're right. We would be. And I'd rather pine over Marley for the rest of my school life, than show any interest in you whatsoever. And let's not forget that you'd be dating Jake if he hadn't picked Marley over you. PS, I would choose her over you without a second thought."

Kitty pulled a face at this remark, and was about to unleash hell on him until he walked off, leaving her annoyed and a little bit hurt. But only a tiny bit hurt. She was more disgusted that he thought he could speak to her like that. Kitty had no other choice than to take her anger out on a poor innocent girl that was standing near the wall, as she shoved the girl so hard into the wall, she was surprised she didn't break the wall and that the girl didn't end up in the classroom the other side of the wall.

When Kitty got home, she was still annoyed. But she'd let off some steam at the gym. Not enough steam though, as she was still aggravated enough by Ryder to ignore his calls and texts, asking when he should come round. She didn't care if they lost the stupid Glee competition. She had bigger things to worry about, like the fact that some stupid oversized Bieber lookalike had stood up to her, wait, embarrassed her in front of everyone.

She headed straight to her room and grabbed her diary. She sat at her desk and let her hair down from her classic cheerio ponytail, letting her loose curls fall past her shoulders. She really loved her hair down, her Mum had always styled it down and curly when she was a little girl, but she also loved the feeling of power she had when she wore her hair in the traditional Cheerios ponytail. She grabbed her pen from the desk and began writing.

_ Dear Diary. Yeah, you're no longer called Marley, because Marley is nasty, and she was the reason Ryder got the chance to embarrass me._

_Today Ryder tried to call me out, not once, but twice. I mean seriously. Maybe he succeeded a tiny bit the second time, but only because he said he'd choose the girl that had the same name as a dog that died in a film over me. Besides, he walked off before I could say something back to him. _

_And also, I now owe him four slaps. I was adamant I'd give them to him, but I wouldn't be able to reach his stupid face because he's a freaky giant._

_I don't know why I'm so annoyed. People have said stuff to me before, I guess they don't normally win the fight, but they give it a good go, and I normally think on the spot and bring it back almost immediately, but I'm kind of running out of things to say to Ryder besides him being dumb and I don't want him to call me out on repeating myself in insults. _

_Marley is totally crushing on Ryder. She sounded like, so obsessed with him when she was defending him. Then of course he defended her when she ran off and ran into him. As if I did anything wrong! I know I don't admit it when I'm wrong, but honestly this time I did nothing. She was just late for class. Goody two shoes._

_I would never admit this, but I kind of admire Ryder for sticking up for his friend/obsession, but also hate him for it at the same time. I guess it takes a real man to go up against me. Jake never would. Neither would Sam, or Artie, or any of the other New Direction members...actually, I'm sure Mr. Creepy (I don't know if I've introduced him to you yet, Mr. Creepy is Mr. Schue, and he has no adult friends, and his ex-student was going to be his best man...he still calls him Mr. Schue, how weird would that be?! The best man speech would be super creepy.) wouldn't either. _

_Another confession...I kind of felt bad when I called Ryder a dumb ass. He looked really upset, and although I love upsetting people, it was different this time. He's normally such a happy dork, but he genuinely looked heartbroken. I guess it's because it's a 'friend' saying it to him, and not some random, but hey, he'll get over it. I'm pretty sure he's having an affair with Marley so she'll make him feel better...I mean she can try, I doubt she could make anyone happy._

_Notice how I always say 'kind of' when I admit something? It's because I'm hard to please! And I promise you, I will never truly admire, or feel bad for anything I say to the members of No Direction._

_Gotta go now. All this moaning about Ryder (which is becoming a regular thing now) is making me hungry. _

_PS, as if Ryder would ever actually choose Marley over me. I'm the Queen. And don't mention Jake Puckerman. He was living in an alternative universe the day that he dumped me and felt bad for Marley ever since. _

_Enough about Ryder. No more diary entries will ever contain the name Ryder again._

_Goodbye best friend! (how lame is that?)_

_K x_

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	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Diary_

_Today, I woke up, and I still felt bad about calling Frankenteen a dumb ass. Only because it's not his fault and I'm aware (and everyone else is too because he's constantly down on himself about it) that it's something that he doesn't like about himself...apart from that though he's pretty vain. I believe within reason. Although I'd never ever admit that to ANYONE._

_Anyway, my point was, I'm going to do something terribly out of character and make it up to him, and since I can't make it up to him how I normally would to any other boy, because he's utterly obsessed and in love with Marley, I'll do it by picking out an awesome song for our duet project. I assume one thing he likes more than Marley, is winning. And anyway, picking a song out isn't obvious that I'm trying to put things right. Imagine the controversy I'd face if people knew I made an effort to do something nice._

_I wanted to do something a little different, and not something totally boring, like Jake and Marley will. They'll probably sing a soppy song like A Thousand Years or something. Yawwwn._

_I know I said I wouldn't mention Frankenteen anymore in my diary, but this wasn't moaning, so it's allowed. Besides, I didn't call him by his name. Loophole! _

_Got to go now. Have things to do...like, being nice. I'm not sure if I like it yet, I'll get back to you. _

_K x_

Kitty saw a tall, brown haired boy exit the gym, and even from the way he walked, she knew it was the person she needed to see. "Hey, Ryder!" Kitty called, running up behind the boy, who seemed to be ignoring her.

Kitty slapped him on the back, and Ryder turned around immediately, his face covered with an angry expression. He pulled his earphones out of his ears and his angry expression turned cold, obviously annoyed that it was Kitty. "What the fu..."

"I was aiming for the back of the head, but I couldn't reach your head, because you're a freaky giant." She cut him off, and Ryder smirked, "Maybe you're just weirdly short?" he questioned, although he knew they were both right. He was overly tall, and she was definitely under the average height of a normal girl.

He looked down at her, and he realized just how different she looked without her hair up in usual cheerios high ponytail. She had her hair down, different to how he'd see her on a day to day basis, apart from Glee performances, and her face was completely make-up free. He thought to himself how incredible her bare face was. He'd never noticed how pretty her smile was until now, mostly because he'd never seen a genuine one.

"What are you starring at?" Kitty now returned his look, by tilting her head up to look at him.

"Nothing. You just look different." He also noticed that she was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, which he also never really saw, considering she was always prancing around in her tiny cheerios uniform. She pulled a face at him, "stop starring Ryder, you're creeping me out. Now I know how Marley feels."

"Wait, don't reply to that. I already want to follow in her footsteps and make myself puke for you even saying that I know how Marley feels." She added, to which Ryder decided to ignore that last part, not wanting to cause any more arguments or showdowns.

He also noticed something different about how she was acting. She was being mean, but not to him, apart from calling him freaky giant, but he couldn't disagree with that, he was definitely over a foot taller than her.

"You called me Ryder, not over-sized Bieber, or Frankenteen, or dumb ass!" he displayed that heartbreaking smile once more, and he had the shock of his life when she mirrored his facial expression.

He saw a different Kitty for about two seconds, before she returned to her usual self, "Don't get used to it."

"So were you stalking me, or did you run into me? Wait don't answer that. I know you tracked me down, just to spend time with me out of school."

They were now sitting together in a café, at the same table, actually conversing with each other, even joking with one another. It was like they'd entered a parallel universe.

"Yuck." Kitty put her index finger in her mouth, and made a retching sound. "I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than hunt you down to hang out," she was lying of course. She'd asked Marley where Ryder hangs out, and then threatened her if she even thought about telling anyone, but she wouldn't admit this to Ryder, and he had to believe this was a coincidence. "But I have good news. I've started looking for songs for our duet," Kitty handed him some papers from her bag, and Ryder furrowed his eyebrows, a little confused that she was making an effort, before picking them up. He starred at the papers for some while, trying to make the words out.

Kitty noticed Ryder's amount of concentration on reading some lyrics on a piece of paper, before taking them back from him, "it doesn't matter, they're all rubbish anyway. I can find some other ones, do you know any?"

Ryder grabbed the pieces of paper back from Kitty, "stop patronizing me and making me feel dumb. I can do it."

He read one particular piece of paper for a while, as Kitty watched on, before he smiled, "this is the one."

"Really?" Kitty was as surprised as Ryder was that they had both chosen the same song as their favourite, because this was hers too. She didn't think they'd ever agree. "If it's because you don't want to read the rest, I can read them to you?" she suggested, before instantly regretting it, remembering Ryder's previous comments to her about patronizing him.

"No, I really like this one. Okay, maybe I can't be bothered to read anymore, and I don't want to hear your voice for seven songs." He winked at her, letting her know it was a joke. "I'm totally kidding. As much as we don't hear your voice enough and I'd love to hear you speak more..."

"oh, you do sarcasm now?" Kitty raised an eyebrow, as she interrupted Ryder. Ryder just ignored her, before continuing,

"as I was saying. I'd really love to hear your angelic voice more, but this song is the one" he held up the piece of paper, before grinning at Kitty, and on the outside, she screwed up her face at this, but on the inside, as much as she'd hate to admit it, he was starting to have the effect he had with every other girl, on her.

They'd both decided to head back to Kitty's house to practice their song. They were going there for two reasons. One, Kitty's parents were out, and secondly, although Ryder initially thought Kitty was joking about the Marley shrine thing, she wasn't and she really did believe he had a Marley shrine and refused to go round his house.

"Come up to my room." Kitty ordered, pulling Ryder's arm. For a tiny girl, she sure did have some strength.

"I bet all the guys like hearing that." Kitty ignored Ryder's remark. She didn't bring many boys home, despite the front she puts on. She flirts with boys, and gets her way by doing so, but she always put up a barrier in the end. She's nothing like Marley, in the way that hugging is probably too far for her, but she wasn't as open as she made out, to everyone, and even herself. She didn't blame Ryder for thinking she had boys in her room all the time, because that was the act she put on, and if she didn't, she'd get questions, and she didn't want to answer those questions, and she definitely didn't want to answer Ryder's questions, he wasn't her friend, just a fellow New Directions member, and he'd never understand.

"Stay here," she pushed Ryder on the bed, and handed him her Ipod, "listen to it. I just need to do something. Think of arrangements or dances or whatever."

She made sure Ryder wasn't looking as she grabbed her diary and pen and locked herself in her bathroom. She sat on the floor, crossed legged and started writing.

_Hey Diary, me again!_

_Me and Ryder decided what song to do! He liked my choices, and chose the one I wanted. I mean duh, it's like god makes it easy for me to get what I want._

_He looked really cute when he was concentrating on the songs, and I totally forgot that he couldn't read well. I should've taken my Ipod and played the songs for him, but what's done is done and we got past it and decided on 'Accidentally In Love' by Counting Crows, and no, that's not a hidden message. I wanted a fast song because I'm super good at dancing and Ryder's not bad, although he's pretty dorky when he dances, and we had to keep the theme of love...hadn't I mentioned that? And it beats doing a boring, meaningful slow song, like one that Jake and Marley will probably do. Better to keep the others watching and entertained rather than make them either fall asleep or pull their own eyes out._

_Why are all of my diary entries about Ryder? It's only because we're hanging out all the time, or because he annoys me more than anyone else right now. But I do NOT like him._

_I've got to go. I don't want to spend ages in the bathroom and Ryder might notice. _

_PS, if I did like him, it's because I'm shallow, and he's nice to look at...Not that I do. Never._

_Bye, _

_K x_

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